


her name's wonyoung.

by hyejoos



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Unrequited Love, annyeongz are tragic, im sorry, why did i write this im literally crying rn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 04:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16590563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyejoos/pseuds/hyejoos
Summary: Wonyoung wonders when she’ll love herself enough to stop loving Yujin.





	her name's wonyoung.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by thank u, next by ariana grande and it’s easier by @astral

 

Wonyoung isn’t sure when she stopped seeing Yujin as a rival and started seeing her as a friend. It must’ve been sometime during the long nights when they’d hide their lingering hunger and burning ambitions behind smiles and laughter. They would enter the training room at dark and would leave to find that the sun had already risen. They held each other’s hands during evaluations because when you’re that scared, you’ll hold anyone’s hand. And then they were holding each other’s hands all the time just because it’s nice to have a hand to hold.

 

They were always fueled by fear. But amidst it, Yujin became part of the little oasis Wonyoung wasn’t afraid of. And then she stopped seeing Yujin as a friend and started seeing her as something more. She doesn’t remember when that happened, either. 

 

She remembers liking it at first. Love is an enjoyable distraction from the icy fear that all trainees share. She liked the way her chest would fill with warmth at Yujin’s smile, the flutters in her stomach when Yujin hugged her. Of course it didn’t last.

 

Wonyoung might not remember exactly when everything happened, but she knows the exact moment she realized Yujin wouldn’t love her back. She doesn’t know how she missed it before. She’d walked into Yujin and Minju’s room to make sure they were awake and saw Yujin blearily waking up, wiping her eyes and yawning. Yujin smiled at Minju and got up. Wonyoung was floored.

 

Wonyoung had never seen Yujin smiling like that before. Yujin’s smile always appears out of raucous laughter and loud voices, often coupled with collapsing on the ground and shaking shoulders. Yujin doesn’t smile like that at anyone. Quiet. Content. Satisfied.

 

In love.

 

And then all Wonyoung can see is the way they look at each other at fansigns, the way they always reach out to hug each other on stage, the way Yujin always says Minju is the most beautiful member on variety shows, the way they always move closer to each other in vlives. 

 

And so, Wonyoung’s flutters and warmth were replaced by squeezing vises, sharp knives jabbing into her ribcage. She ignores it. She’ll get over her.

 

…

 

Eunbi confronts her in the bathroom.

 

“You’re in love with Yujin,” she says. It isn’t a question. Wonyoung nods and spits out her toothpaste.

 

“If you’re telling me that because you think I don't know, I definitely do,” Wonyoung says wryly. She rinses out her mouth. “So now you know too. Are you going to tell her?”

 

Eunbi shakes her head. “Of course not. That’s not something for me to tell. That’s something you should tell her.” Wonyoung barks out a laugh. Like hell she’ll confess to Yujin when she knows Yujin’s in love with someone else.

 

“Yujin doesn’t love me,” she says instead, and ignores the way the words almost seem to suffocate her. “So I’ll get over her. It’s fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

 

Eunbi’s brows furrow. “Of course I have to worry about you. You’re hurting. And you haven’t been doing a very good job of getting over her.”

 

Wonyoung looks away. She already knows that. She bites her lip and tries to breathe around the twisting in her chest.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Wonyoung nods. “Outside.” 

 

…

 

“How long?”

 

“More than a year.” Wonyoung fiddles with her hands and looks up at the crescent moon. The glow is calm and comforting.

 

“That’s a long time to be pining over someone,” Eunbi murmurs. She looks down at the ground. “Yujin loves Minju, doesn’t she?”

 

Wonyoung nods. She can’t say it out loud.

 

“I’m so sorry, Wonyoung,” Eunbi whispers. She opens her arms. Wonyoung collapses in her embrace and cries until she can breathe again.

 

…

 

Sometimes Wonyoung wonders why she’s loved Yujin all this time.

 

After all, some part of her has always known that Yujin would never love her back. Yujin is the kind of person who falls fast and confesses faster, no matter how much she acts like a wimp. She can’t bottle up her emotions. If Yujin loved her, then they’d already be together.

 

Sometimes Wonyoung wants to wish Yujin could’ve just stayed her rival. But she can’t really wish for that. If she’d stayed her rival, she could’ve never gotten to experience this. She clings onto her love for Yujin like it’s a beacon of hope. She wants Yujin to love her back, no matter how much she knows she never will. 

 

Wonyoung wonders when she’ll love herself enough to stop loving Yujin.

 

…

 

“Yujin and Minju told me they're announcing their relationship to the group tomorrow,” Eunbi says when she finds Wonyoung outside on the balcony, looking up at the moon. “Are you going to be okay?”

 

“I haven’t been okay this entire time, unnie,” Wonyoung says tiredly. She feels Eunbi’s arms around her midriff and she settles easily into their leader’s warmth. Eunbi’s been the only one to ask her about her feelings for Yujin, although Wonyoung’s sure a lot of the other members suspect it. Aside from Yujin and Minju, of course. They’ve only ever had eyes for each other.

 

“You have to tell her,” Eunbi says sternly. Wonyoung sighs and shakes her head.

 

“Maybe I’ll tell her after tomorrow,” she murmurs wearily. Eunbi doesn’t seem to believe her, but she nods and puts a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Don’t stay out too long, you’ll catch a cold. Go to sleep soon, okay?” Eunbi asks. Wonyoung smiles. Eunbi is the best leader she could’ve asked for.

 

“Alright, unnie,” she says. Eunbi goes inside and Wonyoung looks at the moon for a few moments longer before heading inside too.

 

She lies in bed and stares at the ceiling. She doesn’t sleep well.

 

…

 

“You look really tired,” Eunbi whispers to her as they gather around the kitchen table. Yujin and Minju had asked for a meeting. Wonyoung swallows. She doesn’t want to be here.

 

“I didn’t sleep well,” she whispers back. Eunbi looks concerned but Wonyoung shrugs it off. She can handle this. It’ll be fine.

 

“All right, everyone’s here,” Yujin says loudly, grabbing their attention. Everyone turns to look at her, but Wonyoung stares down at the table. She already knows what Yujin’s going to say.

 

“Minju and I have something to tell you all,” she says. Wonyoung hates how she can hear the smile in her voice. “We’re dating!”

 

Wonyoung feigns surprise and claps along with the rest of the group as they burst into applause. Eunbi gives her a worried look as the members swarm Minju and Yujin with questions.

 

“I knew it!” “When did it happen?” “You're so cute together!” Wonyoung wants to shut her eyes and wake up at the same time.

 

“Are you okay?” Eunbi touches a hand to hers. Wonyoung smiles. 

 

“Yeah,” she lies. She goes up to Yujin and Minju. “I’m really happy for you two.”

 

She doesn’t sound convincing to her own ears. But Yujin grins wide and pulls her into a hug. Wonyoung swallows around the crumbling of her heart.

 

“Thanks so much, you guys,” Yujin says, bright and happy. Minju’s looking at her like she’s her entire world. Like how Wonyoung looks at her, except she actually notices when Minju does it. Wonyoung shoves her feelings back into a secret compartment and locks it with a key. There’s no reason for her to be jealous. She knew this was going to happen all along.

 

_ Then why does it hurt so much? _

 

She gazes up at the moon that night. It gives her no answers. She sleeps fitfully.

 

…

 

“Alright, what’s going on?” Yena asks her as she stares out the window of the van. Wonyoung hasn’t been talking as much lately, a stark contrast from her typical energetic demeanor. A few of the members turn to look at her. Wonyoung swallows and pretends not to know, because it’s always easier that way.

 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Wonyoung says coolly. Yujin and Minju don’t notice how everyone’s now watching her, too immersed in their own world. Wonyoung drags her eyes back to Yena. 

 

“Yena, not now,” Eunbi murmurs quietly. Wonyoung internally thanks her, but they both know Yena is too perceptive and determined not to press this.

 

“Eunbi, I know you want to protect her, but she’s not happy.” Yena’s resolute and serious, an expression that they’ve rarely seen on her. Wonyoung is eerily calm.

 

“Why are you asking me what’s going on if you already know?” Wonyoung asks. Yena narrows her eyes.

 

“About you and Yujin, you mean?” She asks. The van goes silent. Yujin and Minju finally snap out of their little world, Yujin turning around to look at Wonyoung curiously.

 

“Yena, you shouldn’t- ” Eunbi’s resolve is weakening. She knows Yena’s right.

 

“This isn’t good for her. She should tell her.” Wonyoung’s heard those words so many times, they’ve lost meaning. 

 

“I know, and I’ve been telling her that. But she’s not ready yet.” Eunbi knows it’s futile.

 

“Tell who what?” Yujin pipes up. Eunbi winces.

 

“It’s alright, Eunbi unnie,” Wonyoung says finally. “I’m never going to be ready, so I might as well.” Courage that she’s entirely forgotten finds its way back into her bloodstream, numbing her over with adrenaline. She’s not afraid.

 

“Yujin.” Wonyoung looks directly at her. She looks like she’s on the brink of understanding something. “I’m in love with you.”

 

The van is silent.

 

“We’re at the dorm,” the manager says weakly. They exit the van and go up to the dorm. Wonyoung’s about to enter her room when she feels a hand on her shoulder.

 

“I need to talk to you.” It’s Yujin. Wonyoung smiles. Of course it is.

 

…

 

“Do you really...”

 

“Yes.” Wonyoung doesn’t hesitate. She watches realization dawn on Yujin’s face, along with guilt.  _ Why is she guilty? It isn’t her fault. _

 

“I love you,” Wonyoung says with finality. “I think I always have.” Yujin’s face is twisting with emotions she can’t recognize.

 

“I’m sorry. I don’t love you, Wonyoung.” She swallows. “Not like that.”

 

Wonyoung laughs coldly to mask the agony that’s tearing her apart. “You know, Yujin,” she says all too casually, “I really wish I could hate you. It would make all this so much easier.”

 

“Then hate me.” Yujin’s voice is both resolute and earnest, burning with the fiery urgency that Wonyoung fell in love with. Sobs claw at her throat, begging to be released. “I don’t care if you hate me, as long as you’re happy.”

 

“How can you say something like that and not love me?” Wonyoung asks, heart cracking into jagged pieces. She feels raw and broken, the shattered pieces of her littering the ground.

 

“I… I don’t know,” Yujin admits. She looks down at the ground. “I used to love you too, you know.” Wonyoung turns her head away so she can’t see the tears finally slipping down her cheeks. Yujin doesn’t move to look at her. She knows Wonyoung doesn’t want her to see her like this. She’s always been like that, considerate and kind. “We were young. It was easy to love you.”

 

Wonyoung laughs. “You know,” she sniffs, wiping her tears from her eyes. “I’ve said this so many times, but I finally mean it now.” She takes a shuddery breath. “I’ll get over you.” The simple statement, one she's never meant, has now become her absolution. She smiles.

 

She finally believes it this time. 

 

“Thank you, Yujin.” 

 

Wonyoung leaves the room and collapses against the wall. She doesn’t cry. She takes a deep breath, wipes her eyes, and goes outside to look at the sun.

 

…

 

Love, patience, pain. Yujin taught her all of them. Wonyoung is grateful for her.

 

Wonyoung looks up at the sun and closes her eyes. She’s happy. She’s found someone else to love.

**Author's Note:**

> * i wrote this in an hour w/o proofreading unlike my other fics that take me a week to write,,, so uh whoops
> * i love annyeongz and jinjoo i just wanted to write angst slfkslf
> * find me on twitter @butterflyhyejoo
> * edit: some uglies were in my comments earlier so 1) don't tell me what to write and 2) if you don't love all members of izone get the fuck off my fic. i love yujin and she's my bias so don't u dare say shit abt her aight 


End file.
